awwwwwwww my mind limbs
WARIO PORN
chorn_man
If this was 1984 I probably would be able to say words like fuck and aids, BUT ITS NOT GEORGE ORWELL YOU FAT FUCK. So I can basically say whatever I want, until which time our evil overlord ant-masters enslave us all for the rich nutrients in our bellyparts, that is.

Ive gone off track. The point im trying to make here is that EUROVISION is fucked. Jedward is just rule 34 waiting to happen, and if its isnt spinning pizza ovens and Russian crones, its hot Europeans bitches with their squinges out for the world to see, which isnt a problem, im just saying CONSISTENCY IS ALL.

My low life housemate is watching alley Mc happy Beal, I dont know why. Fuck that. Id rather watch Being Ian. Anything is possible.

OVER AND OOT.

Sitting on the ground LIKE A BOSS!
pwaw
chorn_man
NOTHING beats sitting on the ground in the psychology lobby looking at rocks and MINERALS!

There's and amethyst here the size of your mum! I should steal it and become mildly more wealthy that I currently am.

Unfortunatly I'm here because I need to meet with my smokin hot lecturer from last year (And when i say smokin hot I actually mean she not old, and when I say not old I mean she is in fact pretty hideous) who SHOULD BE HERE NOW BUT IS NOT.

I need her to fill out a reference form for my exchange to the ...UK?

JUST GOT A TEXT RIGHT THEN- this shit is like.. INTERACTIVE

Kerry wants me to go to Trivia tonight- But i might pass considering how SHIT BORING the last one was! But Im seriously bad at Trivia- it's just not fair, where's all the mario and zelda based questions- I'd rape it if was a game based night, but it never will be.... ever.

In other news- all spanish/russians are cunts- THERE I SAID IT- well not all of them, only the ones whos names begin with the letter A

Allright off to see Young unattractive lecturer!

Grand Theft Taco
My chicken!
chorn_man
I strained to remember this one....

I went to a house party with lauren and her family somewhere near Kiama. Once we got there we were served in our cars, like it was a restaraunt, EVERYONE got served except tacos for me and lauren, and im pretty sure lauren prec compained cause he didnt like tacos. Anyway the parety started and laurens family left the car, and i was stil upset over te no tacos thing to i stayed in the car with lauren. Eventually lauren got fed up and left too. So now it was just me in the car.
After a while i decided to steal the car! OH NOES and i drove it like 10km before realising what id done so i drove back before they found out.
Then sthin ghapened invovling zombies and i was trying to find a safe place to hide ( i think i ended up on top of a builiding.

Finally it all eneded with me getting a beak transplant for some reason

Now i have to go cause im late ofr uni!

All my friends think I'm bread...
WARIO PORN
chorn_man
THAT'S RIGHT JESS

It just occurred to me that the only "safe" place on the internet where I can complain about annoying people i work/live with is here!

AND SO!

Dear Housemates:

IF you're gonna have house mates over, CLEAN THE FUCK UP AFTER THEM, dont leave bowls filled with cooled down melted chocolate lying around AND THAT GOES FOR ALL EATEN FOOD!!

Also, IF you shave, dont leave you stupid Hungarian-Italian beard hair lying all over the sink YOU BITCH.

And finally IF you feel like downloading somthing, stop the download so you dont waste all our bandwidth ON UPLOADS!

THAT IS ALL (for now) YOU WORTHLESS FUCKS


MOVING ALONG

I'm gonn attempt to start a (not gay) "DREAM DIARY" sue to the large quantity of messed up dreams ive been having

LAST NIGHT: I cant really remmebr, SOMTHING about adrug bust, someone else was there, I should get into the habbit of writing them down when i wake up cause i DID remember what happened but now my crumbling mind has forgoten

THE OTHER NIGHT: Dad attacketed me with a chefs knife, stabbing me right in the body. I pulled out the knife covered in my own blood, an dsliced him up- UNFORTUNATLY he was immortal and laughed at me. My interpretation: daddys gonna kill me!

Wow it really HAS been a long time now! hasnt it
Bowser
chorn_man
Man I am ever so freakin tired! The train IS NOT and NEVER WILL BE awesome,

PROS AND CONS OF TRAIN TRAVEL

PROS
1. you can read (if you where ever so inclined to at that time of the morning)

CONS
1. There is always the small chance of akward small talk if someone sits next to you
2. People sit next to you
3. Its either too hot or too cold
4. Train times are awful and dont correspond to ANYTHING
5. Disease
6. CHILDREN
7. drug addicts
8. the elderly
9. bogans/mobile phones playing music
10. ETC ETC


etc etc IS VALID!

I have a statistics lecture soon! I LOVE STATS! im like the only one in all my class of 160 people that doesnt mind statistics! :o how could this be.
Plus iget get Hot4toes as my Tutor- and i dont mean shes hot for people with for toes, I mean shes hot AND has 4 toes (im not sure if thats much better though, hmmm)

Oh, my lecturer for PSYC made a freudian slip by commenting on the disection of babies brains, when he meant to say monkeys brains (which isnt that much better) but seriously. wtf. Babies brains, i mean COME ON, babes brains are disgusting, its like a unripe banana and gives you that fuzzy tooth feeling, however the flesh is ever so suculant!

My eyes are about to melt to the floor now, might have a mini shower in the toilet.
Oh and because i forgot to bring any for of clean cloth to Rets last night I am wearing EXACTLY the same thing as yesterday! Including underwear, i really hope no one notices!
I meant to be going a lunch date today, WHOOO LUNCH!

SEXY MOTHERFUKING LUNCH DATE! not realy

ok bye now

Daytime TV sucks balls
WARIO PORN
chorn_man
Unrelated!

I havent posted in ages- that's such a good thing cause now I have so many creative writing juices to let spill!
Spent today doing fffuuuuuuuu- kall, well I did slay a mighty lizard lord with the help of my drawvern monk firend which is good,, and then a REAL lizard came into my room and I was all like "Just GO AWAY LIZARD! nobody want you here! just go" So in answer to your question Jess, YES- i do talk to things.
Then I went and saw my chicken (I killed one of them yesterday because I felt like it), it was so sad alone after I killed her sisster - so i killed her too. Not without letting it suffer of course!

Kim and chris invitied me to there threesome barbeque tonight except my phone had been off for 2 days and it turned out that the BBQ was actually last night and so I felt like a fool.

And thats whats new today in the life of Ben.

In other news: My mouth tastes like garlic because I just made chips with gralic and parsley Aoli! I used too much garlic and now all the vamps are dead and sookie is mine.

And in weather: I hate this weather, its all moist and damp like your mum. Im just not in the mood for everything feeling like an extra absobant sponge which has just extra absorbed some kind of extra absorbable fluid.

And in small boy news: Im gonna steal my wii back, that Krishna has had it for long enough I think!

NEWSFLASH! I must remember to give that cup to chris smith tonight when I go see him tonight- i think were watching the lion king? I dont realy want to watch the lion king. Steve will also be there, apprently he jumped off a cliff recently and lost one of his front teeth.

I would like to think that I am typing for a reason, but really im just filling time!

THANKS FOR WATCHING

The Flighty Zeus!!
pwnpwnpwn
chorn_man
So yeah, THE BOOSH!
Happy haloween to you all! I was GOING to go to a halloween party the other night but I was way too tired after waking up at 5am to wait in line out side borders for two and a half hours playing cards with strangers- The card game was "Guess the card!" in which one person holds a card and the others ave to guess which card it is! FUN TIMES- Then i made a card tower FOUR STORIES HIGH! ive never done that before! FOUR can you believe it

AND DEN i got my armband
AND DEN i went and saw UP in 3D! SEOND-3D MOVIE- EVER, except this time i went with other people! I almost cried at the beginnings, (in case anyone hasnt told you allready, your hopes are instantly crushed within the first 15 minutes)
AND DEN we saw michael jackson dancers in the middle of the main street doing thriller! It was neato cool! one of the girl was dressed as Michael and at the end all the other hot lady zombies where clawing at her legs/butt, so it ended up more or less Jacksonzombielesbo porn, but thats good too! YOU KNOW!

AND DEN AND DEN AND DEN! WE LINED UP FOR ANOTHER 2 HOURS TO MEET THE BOOSH! We walked slowly SLOWLY to the top floor of borders and there they where! seeing Dave Browns forehead trhough the crowd was the most exciting things ever! (even though i thought it was Rich Fulchers forhead) I couldnt stop smilling, and i couldnt decide weather i should get my named signed as Ben or Benjamin! OMG, i chose ben, and then I saw them in the flesh AND THEN I HEARD RICH'S VOICE, AND THEN I HEARD NOEL VOICE AND ALMOST CRAPPED A PANCAKE! im pretty sure i squealed for the first time in my entire life.
I looked behind myself at one point where i realised that i was clearly ALOT more excitied than everyone else, probably casuse most people there had allready seen them live in concert.
The others (And when i say the other i mean the two girl i met in line and went to the movies with- sarah (yes i know!) and heather) where like "OMG THEY ACTUALLY EXIST!" and I was tempted to organise a celebratory jump hug, but refrained.
After 2 hour here was this MASSIVE bouncer dude teling us which page to open so they could sign, then as soon as i was anywhere near I looked noel right in his eyes and said "Hey Noel, can i have a hi five?" and he was like, "yeah, sure" and I admit the Hi five was a bit soft on his half, but what can you do! Then Dave brown took a photo of me and my litlle group, which made me imensly happy, THEN RICH!The video does most of the talking but it was still great, he spoke to me and all! Then mike stuck out his creepy midget hand (he was wearing alot of bling) and i knocked over his water bottle as i went ot shake , i was like "hey" i was going to say "hey mike" but i forgot his name! Dave brown was talking at me alot but i cant remember anything he said, he was talking about Rich not replying to my fan mail i think. Then i saw Julian sitting quietly in the corner. One of the guys i was with had fuill on black and white face paint on (for no reason, weirdo) and noel took a photo of him on his phone, WHY DIDNT I WEAR FACE PAINT DAMMIT! I tried to get a photo with rich but i was out of time, and then it was over! SO SUDDEN, i was walking around in a drunken haze trying to find my group, drunk off fame.

and thus my haloween was nearly over,
then some creepy kid dressed as SATAN THE CLOWN, fully equiped with blood (real i think) and axe knocked on the door! Sam saw him, half smiled and ran to the wall pressing himself up against it, SAYING "oh my god its a trick or treter what do we do" we didnt have anything even remotely candy like and no one had the guts to go to the door, so i grapped a fairtrade banana ran past the glass dorr with the kid bhind it and got my optomus prime hmet and opened the door, I cant remmebr eaclt what i said cause i was so embaresd being one of those wankers that gives children fruit on haloween, but it was along the lines of " Hello child (in a semi optomus prime voice) We have no candy here, only this banana!.... take the banana! im sorry we only have fruit here" then when i thought was over lisa was standing behind me, saying "arent you going to do a trick" then the childs parent/brother told the evil clown boy to dance, which he did, then i said happy ahlowwen and closed the door. I dont think the child SAID anything, maybe he just wanted a cup of sugar or some milk, maybe he wanted much much more...

Haloween was concluded with watchin The X factor with sam, which was about the scareist thing i did all day, those twins Edward and whats his face are truely awful. I was so wied i went ot bed at 9.30 and didnt wake up for a long time.
TODAY I woke up and went to Xcape (which is one of the most horrible places on earth- think indoor skiing and tons of video arcade games- actaully that makes it sound pretty sweet, BUT ITS NOT) we played some put put gold and went to an expensive japanese restaraunt, man am i sick of having to fork out money for things that i would never normally buy, i looking foward to that when i get home. I lsot badly at put put- which was to be expected seeing as though i never win at ANY sirt of activity that requires even the slghtest bit of co ordination, unless its thumb to button coordination.

I have to meet up with Austin tommorow which i really do not weant to do, good luck me.

LOVE YALL!

SEE YALL REAL SOON!

Poster une entrée- A comprhensive guide to Paris
Suigetsu
chorn_man
Before I begin, let it be noted that im using a french keyboard and theres also a giant screen eating blotch down one side of the screen.
I have written this guide from my two days of experience in paris.

THE KEYBOARDS
the a and the q are switched, as are the w and the y as are , and m for some reason. Also you have to hold down shift to get numbers and full stops and commas and just about all the useful keys;,;ù*$

THE PEOPLE
Opposed to contrary belief the French are not rude, until you try and talk to them. Parlayvoo Onlglé (or how ever youre meant to spell it, Ive only just learnt to read basic words) will only get you so far- and in the majority of cases any futher attempt of communication will likely result in laughter in your direction. Also they spit qlot.
The men all have stubble, are balding and usually wear glasses; much like Sam Simmons. The women are pointy, thin, blonde and should not be confused with sticks or branches.

THE CITY
Is disgustingly clean, too Clean, as in your in constant danger of being run over by a street sweaper clean! Seriously; too clean! There are Rats (ive seen them at night in the park)with many pidgeons.
Eiffel tower is as good as youd think, although theres about a hundred (and thats a fair estimation) eastern Europeqns with rings of crappy overpriced eiffel towers for sale, each of them selling the exact same thing! I found if you dont look at the tower, they assume your a local and dont hassel you. HANDY TIP
Notre Damn is amazing, the Sacre Cuer is less amazing and the Patheon is even less amazing!

FOOD
I wouldnt really know because I sure as hell cant afford it! A baguette zith ham and butter are like 3.5 euros, about $6, but they are pretty damn good!
And you CAN get beer qt McDonalds, I saw it with my own two eyes, i didnt get it though cause a)somehow washing down a big mac and fries with a half pint of Kronnenberg from a styrophome cup seems absolutly disgusting, a big mac is disgusting enough and b)Ordering a beer at McDonalds makes me feel like an alcholic.
The cakes and pastries LOOK amazing, but cost upwards of $8 a pop, Ill have to have one sooner or later; they look highly inedible too, like theyre made oh some sort of shiny volcanic rock.
Cheese is also frequent, and disgusting, ever since i dared myself to eat like half a kilo of blue cheese at work i just cant handle smelly cheese, not even Bree!

DRINK
Wine is CHEEAAAPP; drink it by the Litre, I APPROVE, as ive recntly discovered that a little red wine goes a looonng way. Two small glases got me tipsy the other night! Maybe cause my body isnt used to it. Or maybe it was because it was 12 at night; i had just got off a plane from Belfast and I had only eaten a snickers all day.... hmmm CONFLCTION

THE LANGUAGE
Can be nice, but is mostly annoying. French people laugh like wankers: mostly because they ARE wankers. I can barely read the names of places and my vocab extends to
Hello, Good evening, thanks, thanks very much; goodbye; yes; no; pardon;not too bad, excelent and Road.
The word Road is rarely useful.
oh and wollah!

CLOHES
People Really do wear those stupid hats that i cqnt remember the name of cause im very tired!
I really must buy some piece of clothing apparal while im here- for the obvious reasons of having children; allow me to explain using an hypothetical situation; Im wlaking down, errr lets just say... Junction Street In nowra (cause Junction Street just reeks with hypothetical situations)- "Hey Man (says hot Lady) Where did you get THAT particular item of clothing!" to which i reply "Paris of course!" to which she replys " OH WOW, GOSH, BARE MY CESARIAN CHILDREN!" and THAT ladies and gentlemen, is how its done.

THE METRO
HOT BUSY AND SATISFYING, jsut liket eh tube in ql,ost every way except its filled zith PHHH the french!
I like it.

OTHER
than thqt im very tires and now have to go to sleep at my

HOSTEL
which tend to NOT be in the red light district for a change!

GOODNIGHT

Oh I also got Stood up tonight, i was going to meet a girl that i met in Paris last time I was here, and she wasnt at the hostel! I waited for half an hour and she just didnt show! Ive never been stood up in my life! I dint knoz how to feel, so to make myself feel better I bought a Large Big mac meal from McDonlads zith chips and coke and ate it Outside the Notre Dam, which was real purty at night, THEN I REALISED THAT ENTRY WAS FREE (its usually like 10 bucks)
then i wnet into it and there was a lidly interesting film on inside§ WOZERS

MWAH
Bowser
chorn_man
I just wrote this email to my parents but thought i should share it to the world instead of letting my filthy guardians hog all the love.

Marlies (the german woman im staying with on a horse farm in Normandy, france FYI) and her german counterparts have had me working like a dog, im really not used to physical labour!
The first day i mowed a crap load of grass for like 5 hours, then piled ALOT of treated pine into a horse van, the next day i moved said treated pine into a large bin (with the most aching muscles ive ever had) then cut more grass, then helped an australian builder construct some appartment marlies is building for the rest of the afternoon till about 7pm and manaed to escape with just minor wounds. I learnt alot about drilling things to planks and inserting isulation bats, at least it was satisfying unlike shifting wood.
Today me and the germans and the italian guy went around the paddocks collecting large quantaties of you guessed it! WOOD, AND IT WAS SHIT HARD, we did like 3 tractor-truck fulls. THEN I CUT MORE GRASS then helped italian man put alot of old files and paper into a van. im not even getting payed for this- at least i sleep well.

Just had my dinner.
When your sitting down at a table set for two with a 34 year old italian professor teacher of yoga named who speaks no english, eating the risotto that he just cooked special for you, at a horse farm in the middle of rural france, you cant help but ask yourself- What the hell is going on.

THAT WAS THE EMAIL

OMG the italian guy just read this entire post over my shoulder, i think he understood it! He laughed, and corrected me on his age. 34 not 35.

Now onto more pressing matters, IVE ONLY GOT THREE WEEKS LEFT! count em THREE
I GONNA PLAY SO MUCH GAMES!
I hope coming home isnt an anticlimax!
OH RET AND JESS- i have a special favour to ask, but actually ill save it until you come and pick me up, cause i might now feel like it after a 24 hour flight. REMEMBER- MONDAY THE 9TH AT 8AM, be there be square.

Off back to paris in a couple of days, dont really know what ill do there- Requests anyone- keeping in mind ive allready peed at the top of the Eiffel tower,what else is there to do? Eat a snail? Blek

OH and most important of all- I got a mario-pirate fag free in this months issue of N-gamer (a nintendo magazine that ive been buying every month If your interesed-its the only way i can get a game fix without actually playing any games)

Oh i hear ret is having a party, Will it be grand?! Just a word of warning- make sure not everyone turns up with a bottle of the same stuff- The last thing we want is to end up with 18 bottles of mango midori, "Ill have a pint of midori!" lol I think thats from Shaun of the dead?
Oh while were on that subject- doesnt anyone want any Duty free Shiz from the airport- Im pretty confident that they have vodka, gin , malibu, shit loads of Baileys, kaluha, bacardi- hell i dunno- Its just cheaper- PLACE YOUR ORDERS NOW! I only charge 50% commission!
The only ting ive ever bought duty free was a large tube of smarties, actually now that i think about it, i dont think it was even duty free. BUT I WAS FROMA DUTY FREE SHOP PATRICIA!

And to finish, a haiku,

I fight a big fish,
It slowly beats me to death,
Stupid angry fish.

B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-BONKERS!
WARIO PORN
chorn_man
Well so ends the 2 week roller coaster ride that was Ireland. I had some good times and some bad times- Bad times mostly including me forgetting to take the money from the ATM machine- NICE WORK BEN YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT!
I was juggling between going to Belfast for the night (which id allready booked and payed for ones nights accomidation) and though- NO id rather stay in Dublin for the night and not cath the bus. MISTAKE NUMBER ONE cause i just had a fairly average night indeed with my australian friend Emily- who im a little bit sick of now after spending the last 5 days with. But that would be OK if i didnt leave 40 euros sticking out of an atm machine- thats like $70!!
I was standing at the checkout desk opening my wallet to pay for my nights accomidation when i realised my wallet was unusually empty considering i just stopped at an ATM. I Seroisuly just dropped my pack right there and then and said to the guy i was paying- "AHHGRAAPH!- ILL BE BACK IN A MINUTE" and bolted out the door running down the street as fast as my straight legs jeans would take me, arrived at the atm- out of breath and asked the people at it if theyed seen my money! and WHATDYA KNOW they saw some boys hanging around it earlier- SO I RAN UP THE STREET and caught up to this small group of horrible 13 yearish old kids. OMG I KNOW YOU HAVE MY FUCKING MONEY YOU SMARTARSE LITTLE SHIT FOR BRAINS- NOW FORK IT OVER! But they just carried on being little fuck heads pulling fake guns on me and telling me if i gave them a fiver theyd find the guys that took it. i was tempted to beat the living shit out of all of them - but the garda were near and there wasnt much i could do.
SO YEAH im glad thats out of my system-
OTHER than that i had a pretty good day- went to the guiness storehouse whcih was very cool- and had my complimentry pint of guiness- which i really could not stomach at 12 noon, bought some souvaneers for YOU GUYS BACK HOME.. well one lucky person, HA!

Came back from a crazy night in Galway the other day. I actually went clubbing- for the second time in my life- it was pretty fun- they even played queens of the stoneage A++ as jess would say. the club was called CUBA andthe drinks were absurdly expensive and there was some guys dressed as a pirate giving out free shit. You should have seen me carving up the dance floor- HA LOL- no but it was pretty fun, there where 4 of us- Emily (as before mentioned) and Amon and Ash- two aussie siblings travelling togeht- we had some fun times. The whole night topped of with a visit to SUPER MACS- which i have concluded is the worst fast food chain IN THE WORLD- i can highly not recommend a MIlky Moo sake, which as apealling as it sounds, is so think you strain very hard to get it up through the straw- and when you finally do!! IT PRETTY AWFUL!
ALSO WENT TO THE DINGLE PENISULA!

FUNGEI THE DOLPHIN WASNT THERE- WOOOO!!!!

CANT BE BOTHERED TO GO ON

RING OF KERRY
CLIFFS OF MOHR
BLARNY STONE
KISSING STONE
ANNOYING AMERICAN- HOT FUZZ
PLUS MUCH MORE


so im off to paris tommorow- OOOO LALALA
I dont really want to go, but its ok- i just wasnt to relax for a few days- but most of all i just want to come hooommmeeee!

travelling really stresses you- finacially and emotionally, and for a guy that hates making decisions by hiself, WELL you have to make ALOT of decisions by yourself, including wether or not you choose to take the money out of the ATM!

?

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